Rocket Highway

As the title says, this was once a Facebook note. I posted “Fbook” in the title because our hamfisted filter at work, as far as I can tell, will only filter out a website if the words “sports”, “sex”, “facebook” , or “myspace” are in the url. See, I work a boring desk job at a 24 hour law firm. I’m your regular 8:30 to 4:30 non-laborer bourgeois schlub now, sure, but when I wrote this, I worked the graveyard shift, which usually saw me being alone in a well lit building at 3 or 4 in the morning. Okay, sure, I didn’t have to fight ghosts or pumpkinhead monsters(often) but one time I went outside for some fresh air and I overheard, in the little weird residential area back behind the building, some drunk guy screaming at a woman who I believe had just broken up with him over the phone. Pretty intense stuff. Anyway, the boredom of these lonely hours and my overriding desire to avoid work at all costs led to this: My list of Iron Maiden albums, in order from favoritest to leaset-favoritest. (There is no worst with Iron Maiden.)

Iron Maiden is absolutely my favorite band. I knew from the moment I first heard them that I had found musical mecca. Since my high school days when I only listened to heavy metal and punk rock exclusively, I’ve branched out a whole lot, but I’m not like the weak willed yuppie assholes who abandon the awesome metal of their youth. My love for Maiden has stayed strong. There’s no posturing, just music. No shitty rock star cocaine bullshit, just a night at the pub with the lads. No, that’s not gay, it’s BRITISH! There’s a fine line, but it’s an important distinction. There’s no frowning or looking like a badass former suburban white kid who was given a guitar by mommy and daddy for their 13th birthday. Just some guys having a lot of fun doing what they do best: being the best band.

 Only one song on an album can get the 5 rating. Also, I never even owned No Prayer for the Dying or the Blaze Albums, but they’re not very good so whatever. They come in last. Also, when I did this list, it was before the release of The Final Frontier. I’m going to do another update where I just do a review of that one, and include it in the update pantheon.

5=HOLY SHIT, 4=AWESOME, 3=Great job!, 2=It’s just fine, I guess, 1=I will skip this maybe half the time 0=Bad song.

I know that seems like a really positive scale, but outside of No Prayer For the Dying and the Blaze Bayley albums, there’s very little Maiden I can really say I just absolutely don’t like. So I went for a more nuanced system of how much I like each song. There’s still a few I truly don’t really like, but I only handed out a 0 rating a couple of times. And yes, this is kind of a bad way to rate albums, I know. It doesn’t necessarily take cohesiveness or any of that into account. I just did it for fun, though.

First off, each album and its average value!

IRON MAIDEN
1. Prowler(Harris): 3
2. Sanctuary(Di’anno/Murray/Harris): 2
3. Remember Tomorrow(Harris/Di’anno): 2
4. Running Free (Harris/Di’anno): 2
5. Phantom of the Opera (Harris): 4
6. Transylvania (Harris): 3
7. Strange World (Harris): 3
8. Charlotte the Harlot(Murray): 2.5
9. Iron Maiden: 4
TOTAL: 25.5
AVG: 2.83

KILLERS
1. The Ides of March(Harris): 2
2. Wrathchild (Harris): 4
3. Murders in the Rue Morgue (Harris): 4
4. Another Life (Harris): 2
5. Genghis Khan (Harris): 3
6. Innocent Exile (Harris): 2
7. Killers (Di’anno/Harris): 3
8. Prodigal Son (Harris): 0.5
9. Purgatory (Harris): 2
10. Twilight Zone: 2
11. Drifter (Harris): 2.5
TOTAL: 27
AVG: 2.45

THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST
1. Invaders(Harris): 3
2. Children of the Damned (Harris): 4
3. The Prisoner (Smith/Harris): 3
4. 22 Acacia Avenue (Smith/Harris): 3
5. The Number of the Beast (Harris): 3
6. Run to the Hills (Harris): 3
7. Gangland (Smith/Burr): 1
8. Total Eclipse (Harris/Murray/Burr): 3
9. Hallowed Be Thy Name (Harris): 5
TOTAL: 28
AVG: 3.11

PIECE OF MIND
1. Where Eagles Dare (Harris): 3
2. Revelations (Dickinson): 4
3. Flight of Icarus (Dickinson, Smith): 3
4. Die With Your Boots On (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 3
5. The Trooper (Harris): 4
6. Still Life (Murray, Harris): 3
7. Quest For Fire (Harris): 2
8. Sun and Steel (Dickinson, Smith): 2.5
9. To Tame a Land (Harris): 3
TOTAL: 27.5
AVG: 3.056

POWERSLAVE
1. Aces High (Harris): 3.5
2. 2 Minutes to Midnight (Dickinson, Smith): 4
3. Losfer Words (Big ‘Orra) (Harris): 3.5
4. Flash of the Blade (Dickinson): 4
5. Duellists (Harris): 2.5
6. Back in the Village (Dickinson, Smith): 3
7. Powerslave (Dickinson): 3
8. Rime of the Ancient Mariner (Harris): 4
TOTAL: 27.5
AVG: 3.44

SOMEWHERE IN TIME
1. Caught Somewhere in Time (Harris): 3.5
2. Wasted Years (Smith): 4
3. Sea of Madness (Smith): 1.5
4. Heaven Can Wait (Harris): 2
5. The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner (Harris): 2.5
6. Stranger in a Strange Land (Smith): 4
7. Deja Vu (Murray, Harris): 3.5
8. Alexander the Great (Harris): 4
TOTAL: 25
AVG: 3.13

SEVENTH SON OF A SEVENTH SON
1. Moonchild (Dickinson, Smith): 4.5
2. Infinite Dreams (Harris): 3
3. Can I play With Madness (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 2
4. The Evil That Men Do (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 3.5
5. Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (Harris): 3.5
6. The Prophecy (Murray, Harris): 3
7. The Clairvoyant (Harris): 4
8. Only the Good Die Young (Dickinson, Harris): 3
TOTAL: 26.5
AVG: 3.313

NO PRAYER FOR THE DYING
UNKNOWN

FEAR OF THE DARK
1. Be Quick or Be Dead (Dickinson, Gers): 4
2. From Here to Eternity (Harris): 1.5
3. Afraid to Shoot Strangers (Harris): 3
4. Fear is the Key (Dickinson, Gers): 2
5. Childhood’s End (Harris): 3
6. Wasting Love (Dickinson, Gers): 0
7. The Fugitive (Harris): 2
8. Chains of Misery (Dickinson, Murray): 2.5
9. The Apparition (Harris, Gers): 2
10. Judas Be My Guide (Dickinson, Murray): 3
11. Weekend Warrior (Harris, Gers): 0
12. Fear of the Dark (Harris): 4
TOTAL: 27
AVG: 2.25

BLAZE ALBUMS, BLEH

BRAVE NEW WORLD
1. The Wicker Man (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 3.5
2. Ghost of the Navigator (Dickinson, Gers, Harris): 4
3. Brave New World (Dickinson, Murray, Harris): 3.5
4. Blood Brothers (Harris): 3
5. The Mercenary (Gers, Harris): 3
6. Dream of Mirrors (Gers, Harris): 4
7. The Fallen Angel (Smith, Harris): 2.5
8. The Nomad (Murray, Harris): 2
9. Out of the Silent Planet (Dickinson, Gers, Harris): 4
10. The Thin Line Between Love and Hate (Murray, Harris): 4
TOTAL: 33.5
AVG: 3.35

DANCE OF DEATH
1. Wildest Dreams (Smith, Harris): 3
2. Rainmaker (Dickinson, Murray, Harris): 4
3. No More Lies (Harris): 2
4. Montsegur (Dickinson, Gers, Harris): 4
5. Dance of Death (Gers, Harris): 3
6. Gates of Tomorrow (Dickinson, Gers, Harris): 4
7. New Frontier (Dickinson, Smith, McBrain): 3
8. Paschendale (Smith, Harris): 2.5
9: Face in the Sand (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 2
10. Age of Innocence (Murray, Harris): 0.5
11. Journeyman (Dickinson, Smith, Harris): 3
TOTAL: 31
AVG: 2.81

A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
1. Different World (Smith, Harris): 3.5
2. These Colours Don’t Run (Smith, Harris, Dickinson): 3
3. Brighter Than a Thousand Suns (Smith, Harris, Dickinson): 3.5
4. The Pilgrim (Gers, Harris) 2.5
5. The Longest Day (Smith, Harris, Dickinson): 4
6. Out of the Shadows (Dickinson, Harris): 3.5
7. The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg (Murray, Harris): 4
8. For the Greater Good of God (Harris) 2.5
9. Lord of Light (Smith, Harris, Dickinson): 3.5
10. The Legacy (Gers, Harris): 4
TOTAL: 34
AVG: 3.40

So, there you go. Now I’m gonna list em all numerically and say a few words about what I like and don’t like about them.

1. Powerslave (AVG: 3.44)

We oil the jaws of the war machine, and feed it with our babies!!

No surprises here. Most Maiden albums have trouble with consistency. The first few songs will blow your mind and then around track 6 or 7, the songs are still good, but the quality drops so noticeably that you just feel kind of disappointed. (Piece of Mind comes to mind) Not so with Powerslave. Every song rocks. Some harder than others, but they all rock. Not to mention the flow from song to song is just perfect, almost as perfect as I’ve ever heard. Duellists is the low point, and it still gets a 2.5, and that’s with me being as exacting as I can be. High points: The first four tracks are the best first four tracks in Maiden history. Then Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

2. A Matter of Life and Death (AVG: 3.40)

Drowning men no chance for a warrior's fate, A choking death, enter hell's gates!

Here’s where the surprises are! This was once one of my least favorite Maiden albums, but when I was going to see them, I knew they’d be playing stuff from this one. So, I gave it a few listens, and it really grew on me. You hear the old cliche that some albums grow on you with a listen, and oftentimes it’s just an excuse fans of boring music give you for liking their boring shitty music, but it’s true of this one. It’s a different Maiden. It’s not immediately catchy oftentimes, but it’s atmospheric. You won’t be pumping your fists or headbanging(as much) to it, and it’s not as good as a “metal” album(although Iron Maiden’s heaviest riff to date, in my opinion, makes an appearance on Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg) as say, Piece of Mind, but it’s just a good album if you really give it the chance it deserves. The album is dark and moody and progressive. Maybe it’s because I’ve been on kind of a proggy kick lately, but after a few real, attentive listens, this album really hooked me. You just can’t approach it with an ’80s Maiden mindset. Kudos to the Greatest Band in Earth’s History for not running out there and trying to recreate The Trooper over and over again! High points: The Longest Day, Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg, The Legacy. It’s my second favorite Iron Maiden album, and it came out in 2006.

3. Brave New World (AVG: 3.35)

As their skeletons accusing, emerge from the sea...

This isn’t actually that surprising. I’ve always liked this album. It was the first Maiden album I got on the release date. I expected it to be shit just like every band that’s been around 20+ years, but it rocked. It was a good bridge between the Maiden of the 80′s and the current prog-metal Maiden. It still had lots of instantly catchy riffs and hooks, but you could see the progressive direction they were taking. Iron Maiden sorely missed the songwriting of Dickinson and Smith. Most of my favorite Maiden songs were penned by one of those to. Also Bruce Dickinson’s solo stuff during the blaze years blew Maiden’s stuff out of the water. High points: Ghost of the Navigator(one of my top 3 Maiden songs), Dream of Mirrors, Out of the Silent Planet

4. Somewhere in Time (AVG: 3.13)

My son. Ask for thyself another kingdom, for that which I leave is too small for thee...

I’ve long thought this was my second favorite Maiden album, and an underrated one. I felt like people gave it low marks because of OH NO GUITAR SYNTHS and that metal fans have long been horrible people in that they frown on anybody trying new stuff. It has some of the best Maiden songs ever, but it does suffer from consistency issues. Sea of Madness isn’t very good. Tracks 3-5 are just kind of a low valley sandwiched in between awesome shit. They’re okay, but the stuff on either side of them makes them look worse than they are. It’s the 80′s Maiden curse, inconsistency. It’s a good problem to have though, when the good stuff is so good that it makes the decent stuff look kind of bad by comparison. High Points: Wasted Years(top4 or 5 maiden song) Stranger in a Strange Land, Deja Vu, Alexander the Great.

5. Number of the Beast (AVG: 3.11)

6! 66! THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!

This album is hailed as one of the greatest metal albums of all time, when it’s really only the 5th best in Maiden’s catalog! In my opinion, at least. It’s really inconsistent too, but moreso than Piece of Mind and Somewhere in Time. The first four tracks are really good, with Children of the Damned being the best of the bunch. (Invaders would be a great song, but the chorus is really kind of annoying) The Number of the Beast and Run to the Hills are up next. I might get stoned for saying this, but I think those two songs are a little overrated. They’re good, but I like each of the first four songs much, much better. They’ve come up for me on shuffle before, I’ve listened to them, and they’re  good songs. They’re still no Prisoner, 22 Acacia Avenue, Invaders, or Children of the Damned. Afterwards comes Gangland, long panned as being the worst Maiden song. It’s not very good but I think it’s a pretty long ways from being the worst. I never really feel like skipping it. Then the bonus for the reissue, Total Eclipse. That song fucking rules. Finally, the best heavy metal song ever written, Hallowed Be Thy Name. That’s the song that got my lone 5 rating. Highlights: Children of the Damned, Hallowed Be Thy Name.

6. Seventh Son of a Seventh Son (AVG: 3.0625)

I am he! The Bornless One! The Fallen Angel watching you!

I’ve always felt this album was overrated. Can I Play With Madness is a good song, but I don’t like it as much of the rest of the stuff. Moonchild is my second favorite Maiden song though and it’s probably the most evil shit they’ve ever done, thanks in large part to the awe-inspiring vocal performance of Bruce Dickinson. That shit’s awesome. The rest of the songs are pretty awesome, actually, but Can I Play With Madness brings it all down a bit. I feel like Maiden does the progressive thing better later in their career anyway. High points: Moonchild, The Clairvoyant

7. Piece of Mind (AVG: 3.056)

Just a babe, in the black abyss…

This album, along with Somewhere in Time, define Maiden’s 80′s inconsistency for me. The first 6 tracks are magnificent, the next two are okay but a very noticeable drop in quality, and the last one is awesome. Quest for Fire and Sun and Steel aren’t bad songs. Sun and Steel came on my ipod when it was shuffling the other day and I was like ‘Hey, this is a lot better than I thought it was.’ but in the context of the album, they’re just a drop. You almost want to stop listening after Still Life, but you know To Tame a Land is coming up if you can just make it through the next two. Like I said before, it’s a good problem to have, at least. High Points: Revelations, Trooper

8. Iron Maiden (S/T) (AVG: 2.83)

I just want to see your blood, I just want to stand and stare!

As you can see, I’m a Bruce loyalist. It’s not Paul Di’anno’s fault, I love the way he sings, the band were just better songwriters after he left. The Self titled and Killers have some glimpses of the Iron Maiden we’d come to know and love, but since many of these songs were written in the late 70s, they just sound like hard rockin’ bluesy proto metal. That’s fine, but it’s not what Iron Maiden was meant to do. Some songs are awesome, other ones are just okay. This was the first Maiden album I ever listened to and I mostly felt the same way at the time. High points: Prowler, Phantom of the Opera, Iron Maiden

9. Dance of Death (AVG: 2.81)

I'm not going to post any lyrics from this one. I'm just going to say that this is probably the most embarrassing album cover ever.

This album is usually seen as the ‘dud’ of Iron Maiden’s return with the classic lineup + Janick Gers, and I have to agree. It’s still a pretty good album with some great songs on it though. Rainmaker, Montsegur, and Gates of Tomorrow are Maiden classics in my opinion, and the next tier of songs are pretty fucking solid. The song that brought this one down though, was Age of Innocence, penned by Dave Murray and Steve Harris. The song itself isn’t bad, but the lyrics sound like some fucking fascist manifesto horseshit, and I was really disappointed in that. It sounds exactly like shit that would have come out of Margaret Thatcher’s mouth in the 70s, which is ironic because they called themselves Iron Maiden because that was her nickname and they hated her. The cover for the ‘Sanctuary’ single had Eddie stabbing her to death, for fuck’s sake. So what the fuck, Dave Murray and Steve Harris? Judas Priest displayed a better understanding of crime on Breaking the Law, and that came out in like 1980. I’m just glad my hero, Bruce Dickinson, didn’t write it. Or Adrian Smith, my other hero.

10. Killers (AVG: 2.45)

Scream for mercy, he laughs as he’s watching you bleed, Killer behind you, my blood lust defies all my needs!

Lots of people love this one, I don’t see why. Outside of Wrathchild, Murders in the Rue Morgue, Genghis Khan, and Killers, these songs are just mediocre to okay. Another Life isn’t bad, but the intro riff is fucking. annoying. Prodigal Son always really bothered me for some reason too, I can’t quite put my finger on it. It sounds like some other band. High Points: The songs I just mentioned.

11. Fear of the Dark (AVG: 2.25)

I am a man who walks alone...

This album has some really good songs on it, like Be Quick or Be Dead, Afraid to Shoot Strangers, or Fear of the Dark. Outside of that, two or three are okay. Beyond that, it’s Iron Maiden trying to sound like AC/DC or other peers at the time. Mainstream metal in 1992 was really fucking shitty, so you can imagine, they sound bad. This has the only two 0 rated songs on it too. Wasting Love and Weekend Warrior are bad songs. They just suck. High Points: the ones I mentioned.

12. No Prayer For the Dying (AVG: Lower than the first 11)
Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter is a shitty song.

13/14. Virtual Xi/X Factor, whatever (Average: the sound of a butt farting on a human face forever)
I guess people say the Clansman’s okay. I never cared much for it.

The final order, in case you can’t remember.
1. Powerslave
2. A Matter of Life and Death
3. Brave New World
4. Somewhere in Time
5. Number of the Beast
6. Seventh Son of a Seventh Son
7. Piece of Mind
8. Iron Maiden (S/T)
9. Dance of Death
10. Killers
11. Fear of the Dark
12. No Prayer For the Dying
13/14. Virtual Xi/X Factor, whatever

So there you have it! Sorry if this pissed anybody off, but like I said, it’s just my preference. I’ll probably do a big Final Frontier review in the next couple of days. Here’s a hint: It’ll be kind of high on the list. Anyway, hope everybody had a good time and stayed safe throughout.