Rocket Highway

So, I finally succumbed and got a smartphone (Samsung Atrix 4G, it’s an Android phone) and “downloaded” an “app” or whatever you whippersnappers are calling it these days called “This Day in History” that works through wikipedia. Seeing that today is Friday the 13th, I figured I’d share something pretty terrifying that happened as recently as 1985! It was something I hadn’t heard about, so I used wikipedia to engage in a little background research.

MOVE is a black liberation group from Philly(formed in 1972) that honestly had some pretty goofy ideas. They differed themselves from the other black liberation groups in their desire to ‘get back to nature.’ By which I mean return society to a hunter-gatherer state. In my view, a hunter-gatherer society probably wouldn’t be too bad, but it’s pretty unrealistic to have as a legitimate and central goal in one’s political agenda. They also opposed science and medicine in general. They lived communal lifestyles in Philly buildings while piling up heaps of garbage and human waste in their yards(this attracted vermin but they believed it morally wrong to kill vermin with pesticides) while shouting about zoos into megaphones at their neighbors. As you can imagine, this didn’t endear them to anybody, and definitely not the police. A 1978 shootout which resulted in the death of a police officer didn’t help their case. The nine MOVE members who were tried were all found guilty of murder, and are still in jail. If this were a bad crime drama, they would have gone free based on evil stuff like “due procedure of the law” and it would have made the terrifying actions of 1985 a stupidly sypathetic or understandable climax of the movie. But they were all put away, and on May 13th, 1985, we were all reminded that if we step far enough out of line, American citizenship is no guarantee that you won’t be murdered by “authorities” without trial. To wit:

In 1981, MOVE relocated to a row house at 6221 Osage Avenue in the Cobbs Creek area of West Philadelphia. On May 13, 1985, allegedly responding to months of complaints by neighbors that MOVE members broadcast political messages by bullhorn at all hours and also about the health hazards posed by the piles of compost, the police department claimed that they attempted to clear the building. The police lobbed tear gas canisters at the building and the fire department battered the roof of the house with two water cannons. The police fired 10,000 rounds at the house in two hours. A police helicopter then dropped a four-pound bomb made of C-4 plastic explosive and Tovex, a dynamite substitute, onto the roof of the house without any prior warning.

The resulting explosion caused the house to catch fire, igniting a massive blaze which eventually destroyed 65 houses. Eleven people, including John Africa, five other adults and five children, died in the resulting fire. The firefighters were stopped from putting out the fire based on allegations that firefighters were being shot at, a claim that was contested by the lone adult survivor Ramona Africa, who says that the firefighters had earlier battered the house with two deluge pumps when there was no fire. Ramona Africa and one child, Birdie Africa, were the only survivors.

Yeah, Philadelphia Police literally bombed a house in the city of Philadelphia. There is no reason not to use a SWAT team in that situation, I don’t care if mean under-equipped black nationalists are in there. Do your fucking job WITHOUT bombing your own citizens.* Except if you’re not a white protestant, you’ll never be a REAL American. This attitude and spirit still lives on today in the bloated might-as-well-be-a-corpse-for-how-fat-and-immobile-it-is horrible so called ‘Tea Party.’

*-Not to say that bombing random brown people is any more excusable. This act is just more shocking based on the general political narrative of America. Happy Friday the 13th!

As you’re probably aware, Our Great Nation is in a deficit, and it’s a Big Deal that we need to fix before ANYTHING ELSE! The Good Guys of the GOP Really Care About this Deficit (It’s true! No, really! For SUPER serious!), and they’re trying to rein in the tax and spend LIE-berals and DEMON-crats’ desire to use Are Tax Dollers to fund community organizers(community shares all but one letter with communist…COINCIDENCE????) and forcing churches to do gay abortions all day. Also everyone has to marry a bug and kiss it, too.

To wit, some of the GOP 2012 presidential candidates are touting their business experience as one of their qualifications to be President. One of them is a reasonable, if boring, man, the other was born into a multi-million dollar fortune and has gone bankrupt repeatedly. They say that the country should be run like a business, from which it follows that citizens should be treated as nothing more than sources of profit! That sure makes sense to me! We’ve seen some of their executive policies in action in the great States of Wisconsin and Michigan, where Republican Governors Scott Walker and Rick Snyder have turned budget surpluses into immediate deficits! They’ve stood up and bravely blamed the important institution(Labor Unions, in case you don’t know and are a retard) that is responsible for allowing the continued existence of a middle class, ungrateful leeches that they are. But wait! Doesn’t it seem like wilfully losing revenues at an equal or greater rate than that at which costs are being cut actually DOESN’T save any money, you ask?? Well, you would be wrong, because we have too much revenue, more than ever before, thanks to the liberal stranglehold placed on us by FDR! So, without further ado, I will present to you the Conservative Business Model! If it doesn’t makes sense to you, it’s because you’re not using enough Real American Common Sense and you need to stop relying on the Liberal Socialist Ivory Tower’s Big Fact Industry.

DON'T FORGET FAITH BASED INITIATIVES SUCH AS PRAYING THAT BLACK PEOPLE WILL STOP COMING TO YOUR STORE

Well, Barack HUSSEIN Obama “finally” released his birth certificate. (Again) We know that conservatives will probably just revert to saying “OR SO THEY, THE KENYAN WHITEHOUSE POLITBURO, SAY!!” Haha, just kidding. They don’t know what the word Politburo means. Assuming that they don’t(lmfao), here are some exciting new strategies to get your not-so-subtle racist messages across!

1. Demand his College Records! It’s hard enough to believe that a non white person from ANY NATION could possibly rise to a prominent position(Much less PRESIDENT! I JUST WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!), but now that he’s (still ALLEGEDLY!) American for realsies(OR SO THE BLACK HOUSE SAYS), there’s even more cause for disbelief. In a nation that has enslaved and segregated people for randomly having darker skin pigments than others into worse domestic, educational, and economical situations for generations, how could a black person get into Harvard without CHEATING????? This is the LEAST overtly racist thing, because you’re just asking questions. Why do liberals hate academic accountability?????

2. Ask to see the ghetto tenement building where his single mother had sex with VERY scary black men in order to get her crack rock fix! How could a white woman with a BLACK BABY(scandalous!) get by? You can’t just pay your rent by being in the kitchen, as women are required by conservative law to do. So that leaves only one option: Government project ghetto housing, crack, and crack based prostitution. This man CANNOT steal our country like it’s just a TV behind a glass window during one of his riots he loves so much any longer!!!

3. Demand that Obama produce a time machine! So that Andrew Breitbart and a team of drug testers can go film HILARIOUS and HEAVILY EDITED viral videos of Obama taking drug tests every day of his life up until he announced he was going to kill a senator, south-side style, and take his place in the US Senate.(WHERE IS THE LIBERAL MEDIA COVERAGE ON THIS) Once they find all the crack in his veins, they will murder him and thus remove him from existence on our plane. These thousands of drug tests will be paid for by tax cuts for the rich and cutting school lunches. WHERE IS THE TIME MACHINE, OBAMA????

4. The Final Gambit: Just shout, while crying and pitching a fit, NIGGERR!!!! NIIIIGGGGEEEERRRRRR!!! NIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGERRRRR!!! AAAGH!! I CAN’T BELIEVE A NIGGER IS IN CHARGE OF MY COUNTRY!!!!! That’s what you’ve wanted to say all along, you piece of human fucking garbage. I hope you all choke and I’m gonna throw a party every time one of your fat old hateful shitty icons dies, and I’m going to laugh as the brown people increase their population in the U.S. and vote Not Republican. Ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!