Rocket Highway

I know we think that EVERYBODY who is ugly and boring who played a high school teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is probably a Secret Genius based on American movies. However, in the case of Ben Stein, idiot creationist conservative extroardinaire, you’d be wrong.

His column from yesterday is about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the shady French chair of the also shady International Monetary Fund who is accused of raping a hotel maid. It’s basically an apologia and a bunch of bleating about being skeptical of the charges(YOU KNOW THEM DAGGUM WOMEN CAN JUST SAY THEY WAS RAPED AND RUIN A MAN’S LIFE. US MEN GOT IT SO HARRRRD. WAAAHHHH) and ‘innocent until proven guilty.’ Whatever. But his second point is…well, I’ll just let it speak for itself.

2.) In life, events tend to follow patterns. People who commit crimes tend to be criminals, for example. Can anyone tell me any economists who have been convicted of violent sex crimes? Can anyone tell me of any heads of nonprofit international economic entities who have ever been charged and convicted of violent sexual crimes? Is it likely that just by chance this hotel maid found the only one in this category? Maybe Mr. Strauss-Kahn is guilty but if so, he is one of a kind, and criminals are not usually one of a kind.

Right. People who commit crimes tend to be criminals. Therefore, white collar crime doesn’t exist? I guess kings never did anything wrong because they weren’t made to answer for things? I guess torture isn’t illegal because noone will ever answer for it? Ben Stein: pretend economist, proud defender of the rich and rapeloving.

…that the GOP literally doesn’t give anything even closely resembling a fuck about deficits, here is yet another hilarious reminder. (Hint: the Texas House, mired in their own little budget crisis, are giving tax breaks to people buying yachts. Could they get any more cartoonish?)

For further evidence, see here.

So long, you far-right turd. Before I continue, allow me to say that I loathe Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda with the very core of my being. I will celebrate when the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck die, and I am certainly celebrating the death of their fellow rightist zealot Osama bin Laden.

My thoughts: This essentially changes nothing. We stay in Afghanistan, we stay in Iraq, and we stay in Libya. The latter two don’t even have anything to do with bin Laden. Depending on how Pakistan plays this, maybe we go there too. Iran is sure to be a tempting target in the future. Maybe the fact that this was all done in the name of getting Bin Laden will make staying there slightly more politically difficult, but since when did an executive need consent to go to war? (hint: 1941) It’s nice to see Americans coming together over this, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to stop fueling terrorism in the first place through ham fisted imperialist foreign policy. If you really want to fight terrorism, even a child could see you can’t just go kill it. Iraq and Afghanistan have created far more terrorists than they’ve ended. To end terrorism, the United States must re-examine its relationship with the world around it. I’m also not gonna have a bleeding heart and wail, like the impotent white little trust fund beigist baby I would undoubtedly be, that ‘AGGH! IT’S WRONG TO CELEBRATE A DEATH!!!’ Sorry, I’m glad this guy’s gone.

He really did win, though. All because of him, the country is bankrupting itself, sliding into Third World status, and we’ve lost important freedoms our ancestors fought to provide for us. If we really want to kill Bin Laden’s legacy, we need a different leader, a different congress, and a different population. Nothing is going to change.

I thought they hated our freedoms, though??? I’m so confused!

IM GONNA DRIVE THIS THING INTO THE TERROR MOSK. WHATS AN IRONY, I DONE IRONED ALL MY T SHIRTS YESTERDY NIGHT

As a side note: I’ve discovered that our hamfisted work filter will block you if the word ‘bet’ is in the title.(That’s why i decided to sound like a Ren Faire LARP nerd in the title with the use of the word ‘wager’) Was there an issue here in the past where some crazy bookie ran scams at work? Weird.

this is you

hahaha, look at you